Recession Guide via Kenneth

Okay, so I've been searching for new twitter buds and came across POLOKENNY. He's been keeping me occupied all day at work today with his tips on sex and hygiene. He hooked me up with some past tips and guides of his and his Recession Guide will be my bible for surviving this recession. Being that, I'm such an awesome person, I've decided to post his guide here to help all of you, as BET put it, "Recessionistas," with the permission of the author, of course! This Guide is filled with information we all know but often times forget, so use this guide as your Post-It note throughout this economic hardship!

Kenneth's Tips for Surviving the "Recession"

1. Prioritize your bills

Pay the bills that will have you out on your ass if you disregard them. Fuck a phone bill; you need to pay that car note, rent and utility bill first!

2. Don't be an orphan

If you have parents…use them! (Sorry orphans) Parents always want to feel needed/wanted so use that to your advantage. Unless you’re just a leech/slacker that they hate then proceed to the next tips.

3. Utilize Government Cheese!

BITCH! All your life you have been paying for these welfare babies to live…now it’s your turn! Apply for all that shit, unemployment, food stamps, medical assistance, section 8 lol…(ok don’t do all that but apply to what will help you out and don’t abuse it!)

4. Don't invite yourself places, let people invite you

“Victims” shouldn’t initiate plans…wait for people to ask you out…them hoes know you don’t got no damn money so they will prolly help you out ;)

5. Drink before the club

Drinks are expensive in the club so get you a nice little bottle from the store and drink that shit in the club… (Beware of cheap liquor, for it is cheap for a reason)

6. Remain positive

Suicidal thoughts will not get you out of your situation. Remaining positive will keep you focused on your goals and ambitions and also help you think clearly throughout this ordeal. Negative thinking will only hold you back and make you look old and tired!

7. Find a hobby

Keeping yourself occupied will help you throughout the long boring days. Throw yourself into a good book or exercise…but bitch you need to be FINDING A DAMN JOB! So do that lol.

8. Utilize free time

Piggybacking of tip number 7 use your new found free time to build a resume and look for a job! Catch up on some daytime TV and crap lol.

9. Acquire a date/boyfriend/girlfriend who is NOT A VICTIM OF THE RECESSION!

Pretty self explanatory…lol

10. If you have insurance...use it!

A lot of your bills have insurance attached to them for situations just like this (primarily credit cards…so use them bitch! You will love yourself for it lol.)

11. Work the system!

Not going to go into too many details about this…cause I don’t want to get arrested…but if you know the game, then you know what I’m talking about lol.

12. Call in ALL favors!

All them bitches that owe you money or favors…ROUND THEM UP! And if they try to duck you…you know where to find em! Lol

13. Be attractive...

I’m sorry but…no one wants to help ugly ppl…nuff said! Lol

14. Happy hour is your friend!

If you just can’t sit in the house, go to happy hour! Cheap food and drinks and you will still have all the fun, if not more as a usual outing. Use this opportunity to get drunk for cheap before the club!

15. Become a faux socialite

Be very selective in where you go…you wouldn’t DARE be caught there…be the stuck up bitch you always dreamed a “faux socialite” when in actuality…..ya ass just can’t afford to go everywhere! Lmao…but everyone else doesn’t have to know… ;)

16. Budget your money

Whenever you get money…always pay yourself first…set aside money to get you through the week or two until you get paid again so you can live comfortably…you are your most important bill…fuck the rest

17. You are NOT too good for the sale section

Stop trying to keep up with everyone else and take ya ass to the sale section! Try going to sale sections of stores you normally shop at regardless so you can maintain your style and standards 

And the most important tip of all is…

18. Be a good person

Good things and good fortune comes to those who deserve it. If you have been a good friend to others and help others they will treat you the same! Being a good friend goes a long way 